Beyonce Is an Evil, Kitten-Murdering Witch, Former Drummer Claims | Wireler
Beyonce has been referred to as a number of issues over the course of her profession — a legend, an icon, a tasty hors-d’oeuvre for D-list actresses …
But now, it appears Queen Bey can add one more accolade to her lengthy listing of honors — omnipotent witch goddess.
That’s the unusual declare made in courtroom paperwork filed by Kimberly Thompson, a former drummer for Beyonce who now desires a restraining order in opposition to the singer.
In the submitting, which was first obtained by The Blast and later verified by Pitchfork, Thompson requests safety from Bey, claiming that her former boss has been recognized to make use of “extreme witchcraft” and “magic spells of sexual molestation.”
We assume “excessive witchcraft” is whenever you forged spells whereas bungee-jumping or one thing.
Believe it or not, Thompson’s claims get much more bonkers from there.
The drummer says that in her seven years working with Bey, the pop legend manipulated her funds with witchcraft and even “murdered” her kitten.
Kimberly did not go into any element on that latter declare, so we do not know if Beyonce hit the kitten with an avada kedavra spell, or just dashed its head on a rock the old school approach.
Thompson is a highly-respected musician, and along with her time with Beyonce, she’s launched a number of albums and carried out with the Late Night With Seth Meyers home band.
That could also be why her restraining order petition feels like one thing from a rambling Fred Armisen improv.
Not surprisingly, Thompson’s request was declined, most likely as a result of judges are just about at all times skeptical about claims of supernatural exercise, proper till a pair ghosts they sentenced to the electrical chair come bursting into the courtroom, a la Ghostbusters 2.
Unless that occurs, we’re guessing Thompson’s complaints will stay unacknowledged by our authorized system.
All kidding apart, a observe to the Bey Hive:
We know you are indignant that Thompson tried to besmirch your queen’s legacy, however please don’t assault this girl on social media.
Our guess is that she’s affected by some kind of psychological sickness or is at the least going by means of a really tough time, and threatening emojis from 100,000 strangers most likely will not assist her situation.