Azealia Banks Is Using Magic Beard Hair to Protect Twitter’s CEO From ISIS. Seriously. | Wireler
This morning, our massive grownup president, Donald Trump, took to Twitter to share the information that ISIS has been defeated in Syria.
This is clearly BS, because the terrorist group claimed credit score for an assault in Raqqa simply ten minutes earlier than Trump’s announcement, however nonetheless — the optimistic evaluation will need to have come as welcome information to one of many web’s most outstanding bearded weirdos.
In case you are unfamiliar, Twitter founder and CEO Jack Dorsey is what would occur if somebody took Mark Zuckerberg’s obliviousness to Nazis and mashed it along with Russell Brand’s performative spirituality.
As you possibly can see from his apparel, always Dorsey is ready to do DMT with Joe Rogan at a second’s discover.
As far as we all know, that consciousness-elevating bro-down has but to transpire, however Dorsey has spent loads of time jawing about chakras and sh-t with one other one in all social media’s favourite weirdos.
Even in the event you’re not aware of Azealia Banks’ music, you are most likely conscious of a few of her weird superstar feuds.
Most not too long ago, Banks attacked Elon Musk in a weird social media tirade, claiming that she witness the Tesla CEO making essential enterprise selections whereas tripping on acid.
At the time, loads of media shops forged doubts on Banks’ claims, however maybe we should always give her the advantage of the doubt — as eccentric CEOs actually appear to let their guard down across the rapper.
Before she was booted off Twitter in 2016, Banks tweeted that Dorsey has “sent me his hair in an envelope because I was supposed to make him an amulet for protection.”
On that event as effectively, the declare was extensively dismissed, however now — within the Christmas miracle we by no means knew we would have liked — it has been confirmed that Dorsey requested Banks to use her witchcraft to shield him from ISIS:
“A supply who labored with him informed me Dorsey had despatched a rapper his beard shavings to make him an amulet that may shield him from evildoers,” Vanity Fair reporter Nicky Bilton wrote in a latest profile of Dorsey.
Proving that American journalism is alive, effectively, and thriving in these troublesome instances, Spin journal picked up the ball and ran with it, confirming that the rapper in query was certainly Banks:
“At the time, Banks mentioned Dorsey promised to promote her mixtape Slay-Z in trade for her selling his money switch app Square and her crafting him a magical object which may shield him from ISIS, which had threatened Dorsey in a video earlier that 12 months,” SPIN wrote.
“Dorsey never tweeted about the project and presumably never received the amulet.”
In different phrases, Dorsey sought safety from ISIS, did not get it, and pissed off a famously short-tempered witch within the course of.
Not solely that, dude shaved his beard for nothing!
Without outlandish facial hair, how are folks supposed to know he is a wealthy a-hole who meditates, and never just a few common wealthy a-hole?!